Teenagers

Typical development

Social

Friends are of primary importance. Teens generally spend more time with friends than with family. “Best” friends may change, but generally the teen has a core group of friends.
Peer issues, such as teasing, bullying or rejection are common.
Teens can take on more responsibility at home and require less parenting for routine tasks.
Interest in sexuality increases.
Teens may be self-conscious, worrying what others think about them.
The risk of drinking or other substance abuse increases.
The risk of sexual activity increases.

Emotional

Teens may experience frequent mood swings and be irritable or moody.
Teens need more privacy and independence.
The physical relationship between parents and teens changes. Teens may be less likely to hug or show affection.

Cognitive

Advanced reasoning, logic and abstract thinking skills develop. These can lead to arguments about right and wrong.

Physical

Height and weight can increase dramatically. Teens may be concerned because they are not physically developing at the same rate as their peers.
With the onset of puberty comes the appearance of secondary sex characteristics, including:
- pubic hair
- menarche (first menstrual period)
- penis growth
- voice changes (for boys)
- underarm hair
- facial hair growth (for boys)
- beginning of acne

Common post-deployment reactions

The teen may have specific worries about the war and about a parent being re-deployed.
The teen’s behavior around the returning parent may change:
- He/she may be withdrawn or slow to warm
- He/she may be overly clingy.
- He/she may be critical, negative or angry.
The teen’s behavior around the parent who remained home during the deployment may change:
- He/she may be dismissive.
- He/she may be overly clingy.
The teen may be angry with the returning parent for leaving or with the remaining parent for choices made during the deployment.
Rebellion and challenges to parental authority may occur.
Mood swings or irritability may be observed, as well as mild to moderate changes in behavior including:
- Increased activity levels
- Decreased concentration and/or attention
- Attempts to withdraw from the family
- Increased attention-seeking behavior

Strategies for parents

Work with your partner to agree on household routines, rules, and discipline. Present a united front on these issues.
Continue family traditions, discipline, and structure.
Share information with teens about the returning parent’s experiences in a way they can understand.
Encourage your teen to talk with you openly about any worries, feelings, or questions they might have.
Answer questions honestly, monitoring the amount of details you share.
Make an effort to spend one-on-one time to reconnect.
Encourage your teen’s involvement in social, sporting, and school-based activities, and try to attend these activities yourself.
Be aware of who your teens’ friends are and what they are doing.

Red flags

The following behaviors are above and beyond what would typically be expected in teens post-deployment and should be taken very seriously by parents. Identifying and intervening with teens in these situations is imperative.

High risk behaviors, such as drug or alcohol use, sexual acting out or problems with the law
Frequent outbursts of aggression or violence against people or property
Repeatedly missing curfew
Marked withdrawal from family and friends
Depressive symptoms, including prolonged periods of sadness or crying, prolonged negative moods, changes in appetite or sleep, thoughts of death or withdrawal from desired activities and friends
Marked changes in school performance
Excessive tardiness or absenteeism at school
Significant changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
Frequent nightmares
Frequent physical complaints
Threats of self-harm or harm to others
Self-injury or self-destructive behavior, such as cutting on arms or legs
Threats of running away
Strange or unusual thoughts, beliefs, feelings or behaviors